A man told his wife was once ‘a groupie’ says his marriage is soured. Mariella Frostrup says he should mistrust the friend, not his wife
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to firstname.lastname@example.org
The dilemma I am troubled by my wife’s sexual past. I recently found out through a mutual friend who knew her before I met her that my wife had been a “bit of a groupie” and had slept with several men in bands. We have pretty much told each other everything about our lives, and this part of my wife’s life has come as a shock to me, as I had no idea. I knew she liked to see bands play, but didn’t know she had slept with the musicians. A mutual friend joked that she probably spent more time in hotel rooms than in her own bedroom when she was younger. I don’t trust her any more, as this sounds to me like someone else, not my wife. It’s all true, by the way – she did confess to it, but played it down. We have had some bad arguments about it. This has soured what was otherwise a good marriage.
Mariella replies Nice friend you’ve got! But I’ll come to your informant in a moment. This is the second letter I’ve had this week from a lover haunted by their partner’s past. My first was from an 18-year-old dating a man of 28 with an ex-fiancée and two kids back in the gloaming. What was concerning her was how he could have had a second child with the mother of his first, a woman he “had never loved”.
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